Said I won't cry

heard this song through the radio while i was driving back earlier. The singer/writer (Kelly Poon from Singapore) said she wrote this song while she was going through a heartbreak (if I understand correctly....)

A nice song...a song that touches my heart...in a way :D

Love me then don't go...

call her useless, the piece broken is still broken. the piece missing is still missing.

tired of pretending to be happy & tough. tired of lying to herself & others.

pathetically, silently hoping and praying.....

Until this time, I am still the same,
The loneliness of the night easily makes people hurt,
I don't dare to think too much,
Because I am all by myself.

Facing the moonllight, it draws out the silhouette,
Walking by the boundless and endless street,
I didn't hear any news about you,
That's why I'm thinking of you

Love me then don't go,
If you say, you don't love me,
I don't want to hear you really say it,
As it will give me a bit warmth again

Love me then don't go,
If you say, you don't love me,
I don't want to hear you really say it,
As it will give me a bit warmth again

And at this night, i've forgotten the lyrics,
Loneliness of the night easily makes people hurt,
I didn't hear any news about you,
Because I'm all by myself,
Facing moonlight, it draws out the silhouette,
Walking by the boundless and endless street all alone,
I didn't hear any news of you,
That's why I am thinking of you,

Love me then don't go,
If you say you don't love me,
I don't want to hear you really say it,
As it will give me a bit warmth again.

(translation taken from other website)

still hoping if time could reverse itself....she'll do things differently - but unfortunately, in the reality world, whatever done has been done. The hands of the clock don't move backwards....therefore she continue to pray for strength to move on ... at least some strength...

hate to feel so weaken but yet she can't help it. the depth of her fall is deeper than she thought....

Not gone, just hiding...

Sorry I've been away for about more than 2 months that feels like a whole 2 years to me...

there were the ups and downs... which have partially made me insane... (literally speaking....)

well.....for the first 5 minutes, for many, many days that i've been trying to type out a post... I am always stuck here. Lost at words.

The many, many days has gone and I realize it has been more than 60 days ago since the first time I tried to write something here which end up with nothing....and I just could not find myself transferring my thoughts to the keyboard....

So many words, so many occasions, so many memories, so many thoughts, so many sorrows, so many stories, so many happy moments...that I wanted to share...yet decide that I don't feel like it...i just didn't know where to start or wonder is it relevant anymore to share....

so forgive me for being selfish, for not being able to blog, for not being able to be the old self I was - cheerful, always positive, always looking forward to things. I realize a certain things that happen to me had changed me and it has somehow suck away my confidence in life.

I continue to pretend and act as if I've overcome all the obstacles. I act as if I am no longer in suffocation. Well, please just pretend along with me that I am ok. For I will feel better when my weakness is not being spotted.

Don't worry. I am ok. I just need time to rediscover myself. I've fall too deep (deeper than I thought it was), and climbing up needs lots of strength and time. So please bare with me and show me some support maybe - by pretending i am ok??? by not asking what happen??

Eileen will be back... promise...

ps: please forgive me for another emotional post.

Meet my son...

Welcome and please meet my son Peng Xin from Pingquan, China.

And today, he's turning 7!! Happy Birthday Boy!!

(gonna go shop for small gifts to send to him later - I am seriously not really a good mum)

Ok, to explain, he isn't exactly my biological son. He's the child I am sponsoring through World Vision. I applied to sponsor a girl, but World Vision paired me up with Peng Xin. Not sure is this an error on my application but then its no longer important as i believe it is just fate. He's an Arien (both my mum and bro are Ariens too) which is a compatible sign with Leo (me). So everything is GOOD! :D

Some might ask and question why on earth would I fork out RM50 a month? I barely have enough to spend for myself so shouldn't I just keep the money for my own rainy days? and how much can you help with the RM50 a month? Can't even feed him a week....But what other things can I do with the RM50? 4 cups of Starbucks? 2 days' meal and its all gone! So why don't I just use it to sponsor a child?

You see, the money that I am donating every month don't directly go to Peng Xin or his family. But instead, it is pooled together with other sponsors and these money will then be used to build infrastructure to help improve health, education and economy at Peng Xin's village on a long term plan. It is to help improve a community, not just one person's life.

I believe I myself can't change the world. But I know, I can change someone's life. And for that, I've decided to sponsor a child. At least Peng Xin know there's someone out there from another country who cares about him and hopefully this will give him the motivation to strive to study hard for his better future. I've always been bless with a good set of parents and education opportunities and now that I am earning my own money, I would like to be able to help and give back to the community.

So, if you feel what I've said make sense, like this post and go to www.worldvision.com.my and get yourself a sponsor child!

Good week ahead! I am now leaving the office to go grab my first dinner in 2 days!

"I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do" - Edward Everett Hale

Decides to stay in...

Horoscope says,

Randomly, I checked out my horoscope today. It says,

"The position of the heavenly bodies indicates that a face from the past could be a real catalyst. You need this to make you realize that you should get moving on a certain issue. Perhaps your relationship showed you something about yourself that you have not yet resolved. You see with clarity that it is time to take action, in order to be able to move on"

Sometimes just can't deny the fact that horoscope can be so damn accurate. I love my life at the moment. My job has kept me busy and that means keeping my brain and mind occupied with things. LOTS of things. But then as it says, there's still the past issues and actions have to be made in order to move on.

Won't deny the fact that the memories still linger, but who said it was easy when it comes to completely erasing emotional feelings (might be easy for some, but it ain't for me) - but let just say, I am now in a much better position than I was few weeks ago. Time will heal but deep down, I won't be able to forget and I DON'T want to forget - for at least I've tasted something sweet and bitter out of it.

I don't want to forget but I am ready to move on! So throw me with whatever challenges there are out there...I am ready, all geared up and ready to roar and fight like a lion - afterall I am a Leo! A Leo can be defeated & injured, but a Leo will stand back up once again - more ready than before for a new challenge!

Pray for Japan

So everyone heard of the latest earthquake that hit Japan... (if you have not, please stop reading my blog and go over to CNN.com)

and there's the 70% possibility that another quake might strike in the next 2 - 3 days...

and everyone's talking about 2012...the end of the world...

Life is indeed fragile - isn't it?

One day, we just go to bed on the usual serene and peaceful night and the next day, we find ourselves waking up by the trembles of the earth and swept away by the giant waves... leaving all our loving ones behind....

Have you told them how much you've love them and what they meant to you?

Have you apologize to the ones you've hurt before?

Have you repay all the invisible debts (gratitude) you've vowed to repay back?

those are the primary issues... what about the secondary ones?

Have you reach your goals in life, the career and the ambition you wanted?

then I ask myself again, is this secondary question important anymore?

can my goals and ambition bring me back to my love ones?

no they can't ... but at least if I've achieved one of my goals in life and if I were to leave this world behind, I will be glad - at least I've done something... it's like a sort of accomplishment..contentment...

So before my last day, this is my wish for now - I am praying now for everyone's safety, to all people who are affected by the terrible quake and I pray for Japan to recover, innocent lives to be sparred and may there be NO second quake.

I believe, the sun will rise and shine once again! Stay strong Japan! You are in my prayers

ps: Readers, please help pray for everyone's peace and safety! Please pray for Japan!

she's healing

it has been 6 months.

33days since ... the last conversation

So have she found the broken pisces and fix them back to where they belong?

Well. Maybe.......hope so... a little more time...perhaps?