Not gone, just hiding...

Sorry I've been away for about more than 2 months that feels like a whole 2 years to me...

there were the ups and downs... which have partially made me insane... (literally speaking....)

well.....for the first 5 minutes, for many, many days that i've been trying to type out a post... I am always stuck here. Lost at words.

The many, many days has gone and I realize it has been more than 60 days ago since the first time I tried to write something here which end up with nothing....and I just could not find myself transferring my thoughts to the keyboard....

So many words, so many occasions, so many memories, so many thoughts, so many sorrows, so many stories, so many happy moments...that I wanted to share...yet decide that I don't feel like it...i just didn't know where to start or wonder is it relevant anymore to share....

so forgive me for being selfish, for not being able to blog, for not being able to be the old self I was - cheerful, always positive, always looking forward to things. I realize a certain things that happen to me had changed me and it has somehow suck away my confidence in life.

I continue to pretend and act as if I've overcome all the obstacles. I act as if I am no longer in suffocation. Well, please just pretend along with me that I am ok. For I will feel better when my weakness is not being spotted.

Don't worry. I am ok. I just need time to rediscover myself. I've fall too deep (deeper than I thought it was), and climbing up needs lots of strength and time. So please bare with me and show me some support maybe - by pretending i am ok??? by not asking what happen??

Eileen will be back... promise...

ps: please forgive me for another emotional post.

The Great Pretender ...

I am tired of pretending that nothing happen.

I am tired of acting as if I don't care.

I am tired of lying to myself that I've ran a distance and left everything behind.

I am tired .... just plain tired.

The conscious mind is optimistic for a move on and thinks that she deserves better, but yet the aching heart - is still reluctant to take any step forward ...

Do or Die

My last hard working weekend as a student! I am going on a 48 hours to 72 hours of no sleep mission. It's DO or DIE! I have no choice! Let's hope I survive and when I do, you will be the first to know, because I AM DAMN sure I am gonna blog about it. As for now.... the no-sleep mission has just begun.....

*yawn* (FYI, i've not had a good sleep since a few weeks ago..i've forgot what it is like to sleep 7 hours a day.....)

AJA AJA FIGHTING!!!

and this is the 6 of the 8 bottles of chicken essence mom insist me to bring back with me for this final week!

At the Brink of Losing It All

Week 12 is coming to an end. I am on the brink of losing all of it already - the passion and motivation to complete my work ..... HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1st Stressful Post

One of my final project requirement was to consult my supervisor on a weekly basis - or as frequent as I need - to update him on the status of my project. So, this week, I have nothing to show him (since i have not much of work or progression since my last consultation with him and since I was busy with some other stuff during the semester break). But since I was at uni yesterday, I might as well just update him on my project status .... and below is the "some what" summary of the conversation...

Me: Sir, I am not here for consultation. I just wanna let you know and that I will consult you next week.

Sir: Well, I am not too worried - i bet you have done something....

Me: Sir, actually I have not done anything since the last presentation ....

Sir: Seriously?

Me: ....*look down and nod my head* (avoid eye contact because I am seriously guilty)

Sir: You only have like what ... 5 weeks left. Well, this is your career at stake. Not mine.

Me: .... (extremely guilty and pressured)

Those words couldn't have come at better time. I actually thank him for those words are like a wake up call. Seriously I am stressing out right now to be honest. REAAAALLLLY stress to the maximum on the stress scale. I am feeling the pressure as i am running out of time. Family has been asking if i am going back next week to try out my gown which I've send for alteration. Seriously i wanted to, but I don't think i can...I do not have the time to spare on traveling.... not to mention how tired i will be from the respective 5 hours bus rides back and forth...

and.... I am starting to doubt myself and my ability. Maybe I am just not made for all this... seriously dumb and useless. I know this is not the time to think about all this negative thoughts but instead I should think positively and work harder - or simply just work my ass off ....

Furthermore, Graduation Show preparation is taking its toll on me (FYI, I am one of the organizing committee member). After speaking to someone with event planning experience, I am doubting about the whole production and the preparation and there's just so many things to do in sooo little time...

HELPPPPPPPPP

Dinner

That's my dinner tonight.....

half-box of layer cake and a huge cup of natural low fat yogurt

My First Interview

Okay... it is not my first work interview but definitely my first work interview for this year and my second interview in this creative industry. This interview is actually part of my class assignment where we will be assessed by the industry guest as well as the lecturer.

I was really nervously-excited over this golden opportunity to be interview by one of the most prestigious agency in this country and not to mention the interviewer happens to be someone who is well respected and super duper experience. So because I was nervous and excited at the same time, I didn't really sleep well the night before so yea...I guess I sort of screw up a bit here and there during the interview.

She asked me questions which I was not prepared for ... and for all the questions that I've prepared and ready for, was not even asked. So imagine ... eileen on her not-enough-sleep state talking.... you will know if you can picture it...My brain wasn't functioning at the speed it is supposed to be and worst of all, I forgot to give her my name card which I spend nearly an hour at the print shop just to get the printing alignment right (not to mention the amount of money there) and I also forgot the common manners of shaking her hands after the interview. sigh :( So yea..I really have no idea how well I did in the interview. Now that I think back, I think I could have done much better.... but well lets hope she keeps me in view.

But at least she likes my CV and some of my designs from my portfolio. Maybe I should take comfort in that and strive to be better in my next interview. Hopefully there will be other new opportunities coming knocking on my door soon ...... *fingers crossed*

the front cover of my CV

the content design layout for my CV

Why add salt to a wound?

I always hated people who give me negative vibes -THE people who rub salt to your wounds, THE people who sucks faith out of you, THE people who add more miseries and dilemma to problems that you are currently facing, and THE people that makes you feel like a B*TCH.

I was at "St Louis" last night. No it is not the Unites States's St Louis, it is the name of the room I was overnighting at. No again if you are guessing it is luxurious hotel room's name or any other holiday-ish room name thingy. Well, it is not. The buildings starts with a H, but it is definitely not "hotel". 

Anyway, I was at St Louis last night till late afternoon today. A lady in her 50s-60s waltz into St Louis (the room I was at) this morning and start talking to me in Indonesian language. I guess most Malaysian would probably have problem comprehend her speedy speech, but after 3 years of hanging out with Indonesian friends, I do get what she's telling me. I sympathized on what she was going through. I do seriously. I understand her misery. I understand the trauma she and her family are going through. The hardship they are enduring. She was so stressed out from worries about her husband that I feel for her and I want to be her ear, listen to all her worries and dilemma she's going through. I do really wish by hearing her, I could really help her to ease her out of stress but when she start rubbing her misery to another patient and starts to give her negative thoughts that the sickness will not heal, but get worst and death is just around the corner once diagnose with the sickness, I feel like so screaming out loud at her and say "GET A LIFE LADY! SHUT UP AND GET LOST!" (She made me feel b*tchy here). 

I understand the lady need to rant out all her miseries, stress and sadness to someone to make her feel better, but don't you think it is a little selfish of her to rant it out to other patients and telling them that they are at the brink of dying with just 1 year to 5 years at most to live? I don't mind her talking to me, but why share those negative thoughts with people who are suffering and have faith of recovering from the sickness?

I learn from a tv series, that life is not always perfect. It hardly can be 100% perfect. So if you get 80% of a perfect life, then it is good enough. Besides, for the pass few months, I've learn that positive thinking and a positive mind always helps you heal faster. Be it from a sickness or a heart broken. When we fall, we cry over the spilled milk. You are allow to cry, feel pitiful and bad about ourselves - your life. But we have to remember to stand up, leave the past behind and continue to run again. I always believe that life is a never ending journey if you choose to walk and run a longer distance :D

Stop thinking and spreading negative vibes! THINK POSITIVELY and look at the bright side of things! For all the bad things that happen, it can be a blessing in disguise. 

Happy New Year everyone! 2010 is going to be a fabulous year to me! So hopefully it will be for you too! :D

I miss "switching" people

I've been asked for the umpteenth time why I am NOT "switching" this holiday.

For the past 3 years, I've always been working part time at this work place during the semester break holiday. I guess all my friends and family are so accustom to my routine that they would assume I will be working at the same place this holiday. Ironically this holiday, I am not following the norm. I've decided to stay home, and spend more time with my family (my mom and grandma in particular). 

I've always enjoy working at the place. It has become my second home every time I am back to Penang for holiday because of the amount of time I would spend there. I've made so many valuable friendships there, learned so much and discovered something I didn't know I could do 3 years ago before I join the company. 

Truthfully speaking, I really, really miss working there. I miss interacting with customers from all walks of life. I miss the time helping customers "switch" easily. I miss touching and testing out all the gadgets available in the shop. I miss the early morning gathering/training session with my colleagues. I miss receiving salary which I could use to spend lavishly on myself.

But for all that I am missing right now, I know spending more time with my family is much more important and valuable that is beyond comparison to the amount of money I will be earning if I were to work instead. 

So at the meantime, while spending more time at home, I am working on a few personal projects and hopefully I will be able to launch it by January 2010 (which is in a few more days).

Wish me luck! :D

Time Relapse

@8am:

Q: I am brushing my teeth. But am I brushing my teeth because I just woke up? or I am brushing my teeth because I am going to bed?

A: I am just preparing to go to bed.

@3pm:

Q: I am eating. Am I having my lunch or dinner or was it breakfast?

A: If first meal of the day after I wake up is breakfast, then breakfast it is. If not, it is actually my breakfast + lunch + dinner. Seriously? Yes! At the moment, I have only one heavy meal a day. I am NOT on diet. In fact, I am trying to put on weight... but the food here sucks and not to mention the condition of the refrigerator in my house....

@12am: 

Q: Time to sleep. Is it my sleeping time or is it working time?

12 am is working time. In fact, I am most productive after 12am. I guess I am a rat in my past life - active at night or I might be any other nocturnal creature - an owl maybe?

So basically my time zone is now a mess. I used to sleep at 4am or 5am and wake up at 11am. but now, this week, I am sleeping at 9am or 10am and waking up at 12pm. Seriously, I think I am killing myself slowly.....

and my hand

Yea it is on bandage. Why? Because I spend a lot of time working with the mouse.

and if you have not notice, even my ring finger and baby finger are tape together because the mouse is too small for my hands and long usage of it gives both my fingers cramp. So, I tape them together

Yea I know I am slowly going insane. I just need to find the time to take a good rest.... but I don't have the time ... yet. Too much work to do and complete...

and my 5 years old digital compact, Canon Ixus camera is dying. It is not dead. It is dying. The camera lens is no longer able to focus properly and sometimes it just won't switch on. And when it don't switch on, I have to bang it hard a few times (tips from several online forums I went to) and  when it does and able to detect images, it doesn't mean the auto focus is working. 

this is what happen when it is able to take pictures but the auto focus is not functioning

So again, I need to knock the side and the auto focus will come back on. And I will then get a clear picture like this below....

 

I guess I won't be getting my iphone already. I need a new compact camera for me to bring around easily. My D80 is just too huge to be portable. So at the moment I am eyeing Panasonic Lumix ZS3. I can't decide which colour. 

Black is good looking...

... but red is SEXY

So which colour will you choose?

Stresssssssssssssssss

As I stare at the blank ceiling in my room, room pitch dark and the only light source are the LED lights on the modem and router blinking away, I yawned non-stop and yet I can't fall asleep.

Head's spinning.

Head's stuffed with stress.

Head is filled with pressure to think about a lot of things, while the clock besides me starts ticking, every seconds and every minute passed by, the yawning become more frequent and i know i am starting to get more tired as the brainstorming goes on and on in my head, but I am still not sleeping.

I start to doubt myself, my competency, my creativity...my future job prospect.... maybe I am just NOT IT, just a little useless crap....

sigh..... my life is a bitch now........

and my stomach starts to growl but the searching for the Eureka is still going on in my head.....

STRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Multiply sucks!

Seriously.... i am sick of multiply now... wrote quite a lengthy rants there and only have it to be deleted away. WTH!!! 

but it is the only place i go to whenever i am emo about something i can't blog here.......so i will probably still stick to multiply...........

[PERIOD].

Terminator, My Saviour!

I woke up this afternoon around 12pm when my housemate knock on my door to tell me that the pipe in the toilet is broken, and therefore, there won't be any water for shower. 

What a good start to my weekend....

So i brushed my teeth with drinking water and since I was super hungry, I decide that, maybe I will cook myself sausage with scramble eggs. I went to the living room (which has been converted into a mini kitchen - since the kitchen in my current house has been transform into a bedroom) only to find out how unbearable the "kitchen" condition is (this is what happen when you are living outside with other people). So, I decide to change my cooking plan to boil the eggs instead by using the induction cooker that Lollipop loan it to me in my room. I just can't cook in dirty conditions and not to mention the germs and dirt and the stinky rotten smell.

So I set up the induction cooker in my room and guess what.... I do not know how to use it!!! 

What a loser I am... sigh. 

I am a very technical person, loves gadgets and operating an electronic device has never been a problem to me.... till .... today.... 

un-cook eggs and the induction cooker

I can't even get the cooker to heat up and it auto shut off by itself after 20secs and I got frustrated after trying it operate it for 30mins and finally I gave up and decide to eat Chipsmore with milk for lunch - which is a very bad idea... because milk makes me feel sleepy!

Then as time pass my stomach began to growl like crazy and that's when i decide to call Mr Terminator for help!

And barely 15mins, Mr Terminator arrived at my doorstep and that's when I feel that I am save from destitution!!!

the pizza box looks so cool!!!

Nice, delicious food cheers me up anytime!! :D

just another tear drops

dilemma...

I've been told by my lecturer that there will be a Nokia mobile app competition and she would like to know if I am interested to join. At first, I am quite excited about it, since its Nokia and a few coursemates of mine are selected by the lecturers as well. I thought it is going to be interesting to work with them, then she said, "I would prefer you guys (I am the only girl there) to work in pairs and one programmer from the IT faculty will be assign to each group." 

me: -.- (joy fades a little)

Then the lecturer continues, "This competition will be due in July. So all of you will need to stay back here during the semester break. If you wan to go back hometown, you still can - on weekends or depending on the project.. but you have to be here to work on the project since this is a group thing"

me: -.-  (joy totally fades away..................)

I am NOT a Nokia fan and I hate Nokia phones but working on a project for Nokia sounds tempting, and it will be real good opportunity and good for portfolio. But then when I think about my mom, I am really reluctant to join. I've been thinking over it for 2 nights over this matter, and wondering should I talk to her about it,and how do I talk to her about it or should i just forget about this.

Then she called me just as I am blogging this. So in the end, I decided to talk to her about it since I have to let the lecturer know about my decision by tomorrow. And I regret for telling her about it. 

So I told her about the competition and that I might not be able to go back in June til late July or I might not be able to go back at all and I am still not sure about all this - if i am joining anot. Then she sounded real sad and disappointed. And she said something that makes me feel really bad and my heart aches so much, "A lot of relative came all the way from Ipoh for a day to visit me. But I don't know about my daughter. Does she loves me? She don't miss me wan meh?"

GOd! that's the last thing i want to hear from her and it is making me emo more considering the amount of work I am stressing over right now. I am as heartbroken as she is hearing her say that to me. If i don't care about her, I wouldn't even talk to her about it in the first place and wanting to hear her thoughts about it. If i don't love her, I wouldn't be feeling so bad about not going back to Penang during my semester break and would have decide to join the competition without second thoughts.... If you know me well, you will know that when I set my heart to something, nothing can stop me but this time around, I did consider about her and her thoughts. 

Don't get me wrong, I am not angry of my mom. I am just angry of myself for telling her and even considering not to go back for holidays that makes her sad. I am an unfilial daughter.  

So i guess, it's been decided then.... I AM NOT JOINING............. 

5 more weeks

Another 5 more weeks of endless work,

Another 5 more weeks of switching my brains to work simultaneously for 6 projects I have in hand (God help me please!),

Another 5 more weeks of endless torture, 

Another 5 more weeks of sleepless nights,

Another 5 more weeks to 2 months holiday...............

It's May already... and this is what in store for me:

1. MAY is going to be my crucial month of my current semester. 
2. My life is going to be turned upside down. 
3. My sleep time will be following different time zone almost everyday. 
4. I will look like a walking zombie. 
5. Coffee, sweets, chocolates and instant noodles are going to be my companion. 
6. I will definitely gain weight and more fats.  
7. I am going to lose my stamina more and making a 1km dash will make me pant like crazy....

Sounds scary right?

Ah I have no idea how i am adapting yet... but well..I think everything is going to be ok.  They say when you start to think positively, everything will turn out fine. I hope that is true! :D

Come what may, I shall endure!! 

So, today, I made a trip to Carrefour at Alamanda, Putrajaya and bought myself lots of food for the next 5 weeks. 

a jar of Chipsmore, a big packet of Julie's Peanut Butter Sandwich, a bottle of sweet crispy bread, a packet of 24 assorted sugarless iko biscuits, 10 packets of instant Holicks to mix with Oldtown 3-in-1 coffee, 5 packets of Shin Ramyun, 10 packets of Koka Curry Flavour Instant Noodles

I think this would probably only gonna last me less than 3 weeks... as for the last 2 weeks... maybe I will just chiak-chow lar.. hahhaha

Anyway, let me show you a work i am currently working on...

Sorry for the huge watermark on the picture because i am afraid that my work might get stolen or getting into some plagiarism stuff. Please understand because this is still a work in progress and I have yet to present to my lecturers....

The picture above is my interface for my intro page for my project for my subject, Web Design 2 where I need to built a full website from flash with ActionScript2.0. For this project, I was given a task to built a batik theme website for a product and also incorporating batik into the product. Initially, I was thinking of creating a summer fashion wear collection that uses fabric with batik designs... but after thinking over it, I found out that it is very cliché, and since a few of my coursemates are going for the fashion, I decide to come out with another concept. I wanted to be different and something no one in the class is doing (as always :P) and I decided to take a risk and choose Coke as my product. Designing is quite easy for me but scripting is a pain in the ass for me. Although I have some knowledge in programming language, scripting is just not my cup of tea. I am a right brain person, and analytical thinking (programming stuff) is super torturing! :'(

I have 5 other assignments and they are:

1. a CGI movie (green screen stuff!! - another hard work)
2. 3D modelling of Chun Li and making her walk (another hard hard work)
3. a 20-30 seconds commercial in After Effects (squeezing out all my creative juice in my brain just for this assignment)
4. interactive CD (i have to work with an A**hole bastard from another group who is making my life a living hell this semester)
5. research report - still seeking for someone to let me interview .... (i am doomed!)

Anyway, that's for today. I will update some of my other work soon whenever I have time which i doubt it. 

Wish me all the best and remember to keep me in your prayers ok? Thanks *grin*

Have a nice weekend!

Make me stronger

I had probably the crappiest week of my life last week. No words can be put together to describe my feelings and emotions........

There were just so many stressful matters to deal with last week in school - dealing with the stupid arguments between groups due to the lecturer's "smart" plan to make us argue with one another that leads to hatred, and then there's some bitching stuff. I really hate to deal with all these stupid childish things. Then I thought a 1 week break away from school will come to a good use for me to escape from the mundane, go back to hometown and hang out with family and close friends, stays positive and forget about all the f*cking things that is going on in school..... Don't get me wrong, I still like what I am studying, I just hate dealing with childish-bitchy people.

We all know we don't always get what we wish for and God can sometimes be very cruel to test our strength and power of endurance. Instead of escaping from the mundanity and enjoy my 1 week break, there was even a bigger test awaits me when I reached Penang.....

I was kept away from a news for the pass 2 months ... and yet I couldn't get angry of those who kept the news from me because I know they love me more than anything in the world and it was the best thing to do as they are worried about how I would be accepting it. 

The news is very unexpected and shocking to me....and since I am quite the emotional person, it was kinda hard for me at first...but I know, I have to be strong to support my mom. I am very grateful as I have a lot of relatives - cousins, aunts and uncles who are very supportive towards my family and me, and also friends who have been very understanding and concern about my recent "disappearance" and me PPK-ing them. I am very sorry, hope you guys understand. 

I am much better now. Don't worry..... I will learn to grow and be stronger....

Economy crisis!!!

Have you ever take 5 minutes off the work that you are currently working on and ask yourself, "why am i doing this?" ? 

and 

How many of you out there actually enjoy doing what you are doing?

Although I am not in the working world yet, I am happy to say that I am currently enjoying what I am doing and studying. I am not leading a very healthy life at the moment, but I enjoy it. Most of the days, I spend staying up all night just to do assignments and that's normally how I spend my 8 months a year in KL - staying up late to do my work, procrastinate sometimes and have really little sleep in between some days and have very weird sleeping hours - as if I live on the opposite side of the globe. 

so what am I studying now that sounds so torturing and yet i am quite enjoying it?

I am doing a degree course in creative multimedia. Sounds very "chim" (deep) right? ahahha Ok, let me explain it as brief as i could. It is a course where we learn to put art and creativity into multimedia which involves sound, video, motion and graphics. Sounds cool and easy right? No it is not. It is cool but it is not easy. My class includes the very basic traditional drawing to graphic design, prints to application on the web to traditional frame by frame animation to 3D animation to video production to motion graphics and to even project management and entrepreneurship (later in my course). The workload itself is able to drive me up the wall most of the times.

Basically what I am learning is a combination of 

a graphic designer + animator + web designer + video director + motion grapher + manager + business woman

Don't ask me how i am juggling it... I still have no idea yet will i manage to survive this semester ...

So,  the first KL Design Week is up next week. There's this 2 big-interesting conference that I would love to go but the admission fee is KILLING me!! 

• Super Motion ticket is priced at RM180 for students 
• Maximum Minimalism Conference is priced at RM380 for students 

HOLY COW right!! they are super duper expensive. 

check out the price

AM I GOING? you ask?

I am wanna go to both BUT that would cost me RM560 (*cough*). MM Conference features a whole lot of super duper crazy designers which i personally admire a lot. (one of my favourite agency Kuntzel + Deygas is going to be there) but the price makes me think twice while Super Motion is about motion graphics stuff which I am interested in. 

List of designers and agency for respective conference

I would most probably end up going to Super Motion only since it is the cheapest (which will probably cost me 2 weeks of hunger)... but MM features so many great designers and artist that I would love to meet(eg: Stefan Sagmeister aka God of Designers, David Carson and many more).... but the price .... :(

 

sigh.....

I was thinking maybe i should start a website like this http://gottagettofowa.com/ to look for sponsorship to sponsor me to both the conference (or maybe to the RM380 conference), but I guess it is too late now for me to do so. As for now, let's just hope i strike lottery or there's actually an angel that out there that will send me the tickets to both conference....

Shit happens

I never wanted extra responsibility and I hate being accused of things that i did not do.

But if people trust me and have their believes in me, and if i have no chance to reject it, I will take it and i will do it to the best as i can. 

2 weeks ago, I was appointed the Project Manager for my Project Management subject where my group consists of other 6 members. I was assigned to the post and was never given a chance to reject it. So i took it and then..... shit happens.

Don't get me wrong. I have NO problem with my group members. In fact, I am very grateful with everyone in the group - they are doing their job, everyone is responsible and everyone is able to communicate with one another openly and suggesting ideas is just great! I couldn't ask for more. 

but.... 

i was being back-stabbed and accused by another manager for being offensive towards him and childish when all i did was just asking him to confirm his group's concept so that my group members know what they need to work on. (FYI, his group is my agency. So as their production team, my group need to work on their concept) Is that too much to ask? or is it offensive of me to ask him for the concept confirmation? I should be the one offended from his way of speaking and there he goes - accusing me to be childish and competitive when he's the one that's being competitive and offensive. Then he make me his reason for wanting to quit as the project manager for his group. So now, i am basically a bitch to his group members for making him quit as their leader......

WOW! seriously i did not know i have such power to remove someone from a position by just asking a question! 

But seriously, I am sick of all this political stuff. I hate being accuse of things i did not do. why oh why do i need to meet such people?

Where's my ticket to paradise?

Back to the Cyber city

I know I have not been blogging that often but this is due to the bloggers' block that i am having. I just ran out of things to blog. 

 

A new semester has just begun and that means getting back my creative brain back to work. So that means, I am back to the cyber city and ironically, the internet here is getting slower and slower each day. Cyber city with slow internet connection. What a joke right? 

MALAYSIA BOLEH! 

Normally they say, new year comes with new resolution. But as for me, I did not make any new year resolution yet for this year but i guess now is the time.... maybe not new year resolution.. maybe it should be new resolution for a new semester. 

1. enjoy life to the maximum and treasure everyone around me
2. maintain my CGPA - work harder and smarter
3. stay healthy, drink more water and try to have well balance meals more frequently 
4. get my first ink (hopefully by mid year)
5. try not to be a procrastinator 

I guess that's my list of resolution at the mean time. As for now, it is time for me to go to bed, i need to stay healthy....remember?

Why so serious?

One customer walk into the shop today and i serve him for like 10mins - and join in his jokes bout computer stuff. Just as he was about to leave, he ask me, "why do u look so happy?" 

I went speechless for a while... 

I have a lot of comments about how serious I look when i am doing something and I look "ganas" and strict so often when i am not smiling. But today, someone actually said to me that I look happy. ahahahha really? Maybe i am happy because i am looking forward to my one week break from work and stress and scolding and complaints and school before I leave Penang to go back to KL. or maybe because I let something go by me, and all the sadness and emptiness just went away - just like that. 

Last 2 months, i did a lot of thinking and has been wanting to do something. It is like wanting to purchase a pair of rollerblade that i know I've been eyeing on for quite a long time and do not know will i want to buy and own it. I might get myself hurt and injured, but at the same time i might bet an unforgettable thrilling experience and life changing route with it, but yet i was doubting it till i decide that I want to take the risk of losing something but might gain something in return. Just as i was about to make my "purchase", something happen. Someone walked pass me at the entrance of the mall, carrying the rollerblade box and i know, i am just too late again to purchase it. I know this would have happen, and that the pair of rollerblade would not belongs to me. Surprisingly, I did expect this to happen. Was seeing it coming ....

I was sad at first, but the bitterness went away just as fast as it came. Then i realize, it is more of a relief to me. I do not feel as heartbroken as i was last year when i found out about the same thing. My friend told me, you grew stronger, but maybe i did not. Maybe I woke up and realize it is just an infatuation after all. 

No worries people. I am fine now. Happier than ever and can't wait to start my new semester. Can't wait to meet up with my housemates and coursemates. Another 4 months of stress and brain-wrecking and brain-squeezing trip. But i know, i will enjoy the stressful 4 months before i am back in Penang again. :D

ps: buying rollerblade is not real. it is just a metaphor of something. :P